OK, I have a couple of big decisions I have to make. I have less than 24 hours to decide if I want to join my county homeschool group again for the year. After all of the things I've seen take place in the past couple of years in my group...I ask myself, "Is it really worth it and is my family really getting good things from it?". After seeing many arguments take place and having a few words of my own in the mix, I just don't know. I've heard about things taking place that I just want nothing to do with. I've actually thought about making my own group...but of course that would put me in a position of leadership that I'm just not sure I'm ready for yet. I was talking with my mentor of "a lot of years" and she told me that her homeschool group is an unashamedly Christian group, however they accept anyone who wants to be in their group. I really wish I could be apart of a group like that. How can we teach our children diversity if we set up so many rules that it alienates outsiders? I am weary of such rules and arguments. Nevertheless, I have made many good friends from being apart of this group too and so has my child...it's hard to not imagine being apart of this group of people. I do want to teach my child that we live in the world and we need to be out in it learning about people. But, it seems like every year this group does what it can to rid itself of different people or "unwanted elements". That may be harsh but it's the way I see it. Ok, so that's my first dilemma.
Second dilemma is deciding to stay in a friendship. I've almost up to my neck in frustration with this person that is so many years older than me. It truly feels like I spend most of my time feeling like I'm talking to a teenager. I've come to a point in my life that I realize I'm so done with childishness (in the adult form). I think the last straw was last week when she called me, telling me she was lost in the dark rain (she had a drink and was a bit tipsy) and had not a clue how to get home. I asked her if she wanted me to use Mapquest to find out where she was so I could come get her. She said yes, but she wouldn't pull over and just hysterically laughed the whole time I was on the phone with her. She didn't want to tell her husband what she had done and was actually frustrated with him b/c he didn't ask her how her night was. Sheesh. She wants to get together with me for coffee this week but I just don't really want to. Even that has become an aggravation. The past...like three times...she's told she didn't have enough money for coffee so I volunteered to buy it for her, yet every time before she leaves, she still buys a drink for her husband. Hmmm...no money to buy coffee for her but she has it for her husband?? Why am I buying your coffee lady?? The more I look at what I'm saying here, I feel a bit petty...and I'm not really sure where all of it's coming from. I just feel like I'm in a place right now where my ability to relate to people is very fragile. I really need to pray about this...I know this ventilating is not the best way to solve any problems. Anyhoo, I still feel a little lighter after writing it all down.