Sunday, July 12, 2009

Where I'm at now

Ok, so in my last blog I talked about my history and now I'll talk about where I am presently.
After all of the abuse I went through as a child, and after I got out on my own, I decided I would never let any person rule me again. After I got over the shock of being on my own, I grew to love my alone time and finally started learning about myself. I grew up around relatives that were racist and promised myself to never teach any of that to my children. Going out on the streets at night put me in a place of getting to know all different types of people and made me appreciate the fact that we shouldn't judge people b/c everyone wears a different set of shoes in life. I believe that God speaks to everyone in different ways and that there's no set of beliefs that can't be questioned. Don't tell me your way is the only way. (This may sound rebellious but I've seen too many bad things happen when someone is put up on a pedestal) I certainly don't believe that I'm right about everything so don't expect me to think that you are right about everything.
I love learning and think that we all should be in a constant state of learning. School doesn't end after college and I believe we all should continue to learn about people and our surroundings and we should learn to do things better. Don't just accept one group of principles for your life....things change over the years and so does our thinking. I believe God loves me and knows that I am a curious person and is probably ok with this.
I believe marriage is a partnership where I do have more to offer than my good cooking and cleaning skills. I do believe women have just as much right to make decisions as a man does.
I am overweight for many reasons. I punish myself with food...I have PCOS..I don't do enough exercise and if I ever feel like someone is trying to force me to lose weight, I rebel even though I know it helps nothing. If I was told that I am beautiful everyday and accepted in the skin I wear...I think it would be easier for me to change and to accept help with it.
Despite my issues with my husband and his authority, I truly do believe I married a good man. He loves our children and helps me so much with them. He is a hard worker and works hard so I can stay home with our kids. He likes to surprise me when I least expect it. He's pretty understanding when it comes to not having the house clean when the kids have been rough. He's very handsome and doesn't even know it no matter how much I tell him that he is.
After I began homeschooling, I realized that there are many different beliefs even amongst people who call themselves believers of the bible. I don't mean like the differences you see from baptists and presbytarians, but a completely different view of the bible and worship itself. See my blog "Contemplative". I have so many questions about this but my husband hasn't been willing to help me pursue the answers b/c he is in his own spiritual funk right now despite the fact that he told me if I'd get my act together that he'd be able to be the "spiritual head of the household" that he needs to be.
Next blog I'll explain how my past and present has led me to the kind of questions that I've been wanting answered.

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