I'm still alive...I promise :)

Hi,

Just so you know, I am still alive and reading blogs. It's just been really busy. Homeschooling, couponing, cleaning, cooking, running my daughter to soccer, piano, and dress rehearsals for Charlotte's Web.....well...needless to say, I've had my hands full. I've got lots of ideas and things building up for some new blogs. I'm even thinking about creating a whole new blog alongside this one. I've got lots of ideas and just not enough time to do anything about it at the moment. I have been peeking time to time at the blogs I follow. I haven't had much time to leave comments, but know that all your blogs are still highly amusing and encouraging to me. :) Stay tuned, and as Arnold says, "I'll be back!". lol

Ch-Ch-Ch Changes

Ok, so I know I haven't blogged in a while. There is a perfectly good excuse for this. I just haven't felt like it. My brain is constantly going.....all the time. This is why I'm so analytical. The thing about my brain constantly being busy, is that my brain gives out after a while. I need time to recharge mentally. I use this blog for those times when my brain is on overload...my emotions are overloaded, or if I just need to make sense of things by writing.
   Here lately, my husband has been reading the Bible again. He's been making changes and the changes have been good so far. He hasn't went into the mode of trying to push us all into submission.....he hasn't done that in a long time. This time he has been taking our family to heart. He's been humble and he's been leading us. We've been reading the Bible as a family, we've been praying as a family, and we've been spending more time together. Hell, we're even back in church! lol The church we're going to isn't even half bad so far. I'm not really sure what to make of all this considering my faith has been one long slide down a slippery slope (now say "long slide down a slippery slope" ten times as fast as you can...tongue twisty) in the past while. I'm just along for the ride....waiting and hoping to see what happens next.
   I've been setting goals. I am not organized and this year I'm having even more trouble with it. I have constantly dealt with depression due to hormones in the past few months. It has been horrible. I have a great life....I'm satisfied with a lot. I just can't seem to get motivated to do the things I need to do, and I'm having trouble seeing the bright side of things. It's the strangest depression I've ever been through. So, one of my goals is to exercise....to get those endorphins going b/c I can't afford medicine. lol.
  My next goal is to get everything "school" into a calender. I am the worst at depending on my computer to keep track of my appointments. It's doing me no good.
  My next goal is to lose weight. I'm so sick of being fat. UGHHHH! It seems to get worse every month with the PCOS...so, I've got to do something and now. There may be a weightloss blog in the works....not sure yet. I'd like to get some feedback on this from people who use their blog as a tool. I'd like to know if it really works.
  My biggest goal, is to get un-stuck. I'm so sick of being stuck. I have this super busy brain but my body just doesn't want to follow. I need more action in my life. I think a lot about the things I must do, but I end up not doing those things...not sure why...except maybe for the depression. My husband has been wonderful throughout this whole depression episode....a shoulder to cry on...honesty when I need it most....it's been nice. I'm not sure what I'd do without that guy.
  I hope all of you are enjoying autumn. I know I am. Play rehearsals, piano recitals, soccer games, watching the deer play, leaves change, wearing soft coats, the smell of fire places...mmm.  Take care all and you'll hear from me soon.

Splinter in my eye, eh? Get the log out of yours!

I'm sick of religion....by religion, I mean the practice of religion but not really understanding the heart of God. I do not claim to understand everything about my Heavenly Father, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't want us judging people.
  Here recently, I've been trying to send a friend request via Facebook to an old friend. It's been several months that I've been trying this. Each time...nothing happens. I finally sent a message along with a friend request and I got a reply. My message was along the lines of this: "Hi, I'm beginning to wonder if my friend requests are even making it through. If it's not a technical error, I hope you'll let me know if I've offended you in some way b/c I'd certainly like the opportunity to apologize for any past wrong."
  Now, before I continue with this story I should let you know that this lady is the daughter of one of my old mentors. She and I were friends in church youth group. When I was in the process of trying to become a missionary she was my "best" friend, but as soon as I got pregnant she dumped me. She came back after I had my daughter. She was a bridesmaid in my wedding, but after the wedding she dumped me. She'd never give warning...she'd just ignore me and when I say ignore, I mean blatantly IGNORE. I'd try to say hi to her at mutual friends' birthday parties and she'd hardly say "hi". Well, her mother spent a lot of time with me in our teen years....she had been through what I'd been through. I always figured if I needed to apologize that it'd be for taking up so much time with her mother, but instead her reply went something like this: " I'm just now at a point in my life where I can say your name without it stabbing me in the heart. I understand that you were in a rough place in your life back then but there were decisions that you had control over. You got pregnant out of wedlock, you slept around, and bragged about it. I never understood why people who did these things would even have beliefs in God in the first place. I finally have peace in my life and choose to filter out things.I was angry at my mother for years for condoning your sins and not condoning mine (which is totally false...her mother never condoned my sins)" This is not verbatim...that would have taken too long, but you get it. Well, I sent an email back explaining how it hurt when she abandoned me so many times and at the end of the email I devoted a big paragraph to apologizing for the pain I caused her (although her pain was apparently caused by the sins I committed against my own life) , which is all fine and good. I truly believe that even if I don't understand how I offend, that it's my place to apologize for the bad feelings I caused anyhow.
   She sent an email back to me that said she skipped over most of the email except the last paragraph (b/c she didn't want to rehash the past..."seriously"). I didn't rehash the past....I even said a lot of good things I remember about being friends with her, but she chose to skip to the apology. She didn't state whether or not I'm forgiven and she didn't acknowledge the wrong she did either. I sent back a message saying, " I'm glad you are at peace now and I hope at some point you'll read the rest of the email. I truly hope that we can be friends again one day. Take as much time as you need...one, two, three, four, five, six, seven etc. years."
  This is how I left it. I guess it probably hurts so badly b/c not only does she have my mom as a friend on her Facebook...she also completely disregards the fact that I am a changed person. She never rebuked me for my wrongs...never warned me that she couldn't be around me, but I am like a plague to her. She only sees me for what I was over ten years ago. All of my friends from church during that time abandoned me....my christian friends. I've never understood that kind of belief system. I could understand if I was bringing harm to other people...I could even understand if I wasn't trying to turn away from my "sin" stricken life, but this wasn't the case. I was a broken kid with broken ways and the people I needed the most left me. And now....I'm still being reminded of my dirty past and it hurts...soooo badly.
   Doesn't God want us as believers to take care of those who need it most? Doesn't God want us to forgive and try to forget? Does God want us to shun people who are wayward? In the scheme of things, is putting someone out of your life forever really going to be the remedy for moving on? Sometimes it's necessary of course, when someone has caused you or a loved one physical harm...or in the case of a person who is using you for money. You get what I mean....there are some circumstances. I've always had the understanding that God the Father loves his children and sometimes allows things to happen to teach His children when they are sinning. Is it our place to make sure those consquences happen or is it God's job?
  What does it say about so-called believers when they only associate themselves with people who are doing "good"? I do not care to live my life this way. If a couple of people had not stayed in my life through my hard times, there's no telling where I'd be now....I'm so thankful they didn't give up on me. I will not give up on people b/c of that.
   Well, just in case some of you were wondering where I fell off to...now ya know. I've been pouting...or something like that. I immersed myself into Farmville on Facebook....and that's where I've been hiding. I think I should have blogged when it originally happened....probably would have bounced back easier, but better late than never I suppose.

My Grandaddy

POD from the blog Thufferin Thuccotash-Surviving and Laughing , has asked for all of us that have been effected by cancer in some way, to write about it in our blogs to support the cause Live Strong Day.

I will take this opportunity to write about my Grandaddy who died of complications due to lung cancer three years ago.

My Grandaddy was diagnosed with lung cancer. He smoked when he was young, but also quit when he was young (once he found out about the health risks)....so he had went many, many years without smoking. However, it still took its toll later in life. His cancer was found early, and he was even in remission before he died. He had even survived colon cancer in previous years. However, his lungs kept filling up with fluid, so he was scheduled to have a procedure done that would keep his lungs from doing this anymore. The procedure didn't work the way it was supposed to. His body became septic and he died.

My Grandaddy was the best grandfather to me. When I was little he would drive hours and hours just to come pick me up and take me home to visit with he and my Grandmother. He always bought the best gifts. When I was five he bought me diamond stud earrings (which I still wear today). He bought me two rings with sapphires. I always thought it was so neat that my Grandad would buy me jewelry. He was the only one that would. :)

He would always call me Doll and I loved kissing him on top of his bald head. He'd pick me up from my Grandmother's house to go walking with him by Hartwell Lake. There was a hill that we'd always race up. He told me he'd pay me 100 dollars if I beat him up that hill when I turned 16. He beat me up that hill and still paid me 100 dollars. lol. That's the kind of guy he was. He loved life and he loved to love. He loved fishing, nature walks, dogs (he always had girl dogs which he'd name Lady or Bella), and golf. He was 87 years old when he got cancer and he still wanted to beat it b/c he loved life. Even on his death bed, he fought b/c he wasn't finished living life. Unfortunately, his body lost the fight before his mind did.

I think about him a lot....he was the peacemaker of our family in the end. He was the reason I began talking with my Dad again after being estranged from him for over a year. He reminded me, "We can't choose our family....blood is blood...and you should start talking with your father again b/c you'll regret it later if you don't".

In writing this, I hope to convey the sorrow that goes along with losing someone before that person is truly ready to leave this earth. My Grandfather had a long life and for that I'm thankful...but it was so hard to see him go into the hospital fully functional and not be able to leave. I know he was not ready to stop living and it broke my heart that he didn't get to see more days than he did.

It's time for more cancer awareness and time to find better medicine and less destructive cures.

LiveStrong Day Oct. 2, 2009

Posted by POD on Tuesday, September 29, 2009


I so like the idea of cooking something yellow (eggs, lemons, lemon bars, lemon brownies, lemon pie, lemon chocolate chip cookies, lemon fudge, lemon chocolate pie) to commemorate LIVESTRONG Day 2009 though I am not a food blogger -- still nothing can keep me away from looking and fantasizing over their blogs. LIVESTRONG Day is October 2nd to coincide with the date Lance Armstrong was diagnosed with cancer 10 years ago. Not to be left out, I was diagnosed two years around this same time.

Since Lance's recovery from cancer he has gone on to win le Tour De Frah-hance, France seven times (!) and just this year he came in third place after a four year break. (What the hell have I been doing? cruising graveyards, blogging, disturbing people, -- long list!)

The foodies and winos have been blogging the LIVESTRONG Day for a few years. I'd like to see as many of us cancer/fitness/health/whatever bloggers as possible work unify our blogwork to support LIVESTRONG Day 2009 as well. Because we aren't foodies or winos (admittedly in our blogs), one way to unify is to write a short post on how cancer has effected your (our) life because I have a feeling it has affected many of our lives in one way or another.

Or you can make me some yellow food and send it over!

Blogging this date (and Fridays are notoriously slow blog days) is one way of supporting the Lance Armstrong Foundation by raising awareness of cancer issues world-wide. It is a way for bloggers to share their stories, poignant, devastating, thrilling, celebratory and triumphant. If you haven't been bulldozed by a cancer diagnosis, you can still participate. Write about a friend or post a prayer.

Then stop by my blog and leave a short comment with a link to your post. I'll put all your comments in a chemo-hat and pick 14 names of folks who will *win* a small though significant LAF token of appreciation for helping us come together to commemorate the day.

Sound like an simple deal? It is as long as you don't have a cancer diagnosis!

This online event is an official LIVESTRONG Day event sanctioned by the Lance Armstrong Foundation.

http://janell-sufferingsuccotash.blogspot.com/

Please cut & paste into your own blogspot so others can show their support for LIVESTRONG Day, Oct 2, 2009.

Theme Song

Ok, so if I had a theme song (ya know...the kind of theme song that plays when someone is setting out to do something really cool in a movie), it would be this song. People who know me well, know that I looooove to sing. You will know this too if you've seen some of my older posts in which I've posted songs and my less than wonderful karaoke version of the same songs all in one posting. :) I really wanted to post this b/c it is a positive song. It's basically about letting go of inhibitions (no I don't mean the kind of inhibitions that may include wearing clothes....keep your clothes ON please!) lol. I listen to this song a lot on my MP3 player, but had forgotten that the music video is pretty hilarious. Look for the octopus....hehehe.



Here's the lyrics:

"SING" by TRAVIS

Baby, you've been going so crazy


Lately, nothing seems to be going right

Solo, why do you have to get so low

You're so... You've been waiting in the sun too long



(chorus)

But if you sing, sing

sing, sing, sing, sing

For the love you bring won't mean a thing

Unless you sing, sing, sing, sing



Colder, crying on your shoulder

Hold her, and tell her everythings gonna be fine

Surely, you've been going to early

Hurry, cause no one's gonna be stopped



(chorus)

But if you sing, sing

sing, sing, sing, sing

For the love you bring won't mean a thing

Unless you sing, sing, sing, sing



Baby, there's something going on today

But I say nothing, nothing, nothing,

Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing

B-day

Today I am officially into the last year of my twenties. For some reason, it's really, really bothering me. I've pretty much been a bummer to be around for the past couple of days. I think I've been reflecting on my life a bit much and while there are many good things I've done in my life...there's still so much I had hoped to accomplish by now. I really hoped to be skinnier. I really hoped to have a better handle on how to do this housewife thing. I really hoped that I would be able to embrace the "with age comes wisdom" thing. I really hoped that I'd learn how to decorate my house. LOL Well...nobody's perfect.
I have decided that in honor of my birthday, that I am going to be good to myself for the WHOLE day. As a mother of two, I truly put myself on the back burner most days. It's not good for me and it's not good for my family. Sometimes, in my opinion, I think SAHM's take on the martyr role and put everyone else ahead of themselves just for the sake of making things run smoothly in their families. I remember my mom doing this. She was still wearing clothes from the 80's in the 90's. She was very plain and unhappy for a long time. I realize I've turned into her...but for my birthday, I vow to eat healthy, kick bad habits, get things done, fix myself up for a change, and not raise my voice to my loved ones. I'm hoping by doing this, I'll realize how good it feels and make more days like this.
And since I've been doing so much reflecting...I'm going to share 29 things I've learned about life so far in my 29 years. :)

1. Forgiveness is essential.
2. Healthy small doses of anger can lead to results but long lasting anger leads to destruction.
3. Do not tell huge secrets to just anyone...yeah, turns out that even the best of friends can wag their tongues a bit much sometimes.
4. Don't tell your life story unless someone really wants to hear it.
5. There's a reason they call it your "highschool figure"...b/c after having kids, your body just doesn't look the same.
6. If you have a gut feeling about something, trust it.
7. Sometimes it's just better to smile and nod when receiving unsolicited advice.
8. Romance is overrated....husband babysitting kids while you take a shower is priceless.
9. Marriage is not for the faint-hearted.
10. Despite the popular trend of "having many partners keeps things exciting", sex can still be great with same person after years and years.
11. Sometimes in the worst of circumstances, you just have to laugh or else you'll go insane.
12. Not all men are pigs.
13. Children are truly the best people in the world. :)
14. If not changed quickly, little boys will play in their own poop.
15. Do not put blinds in a two-year-old boy's room...they will tear them up.
16. Turns out that little girls are really made of sugar and spice and everything nice. :)
17. Children are capable of changing people and teaching people way more than we can teach them most of the time.
18. Listen to people and even when they disapoint you, listen some more.
19. Don't call bad people names b/c you're just stooping to their level when ya do.
20. Hear both sides of the story and then try to gain understanding from both sides.
21. Support your husband (most of the time) even when he's being dumb.
22. My Mom and Dad did the best they could...even if they did mess me up some...I know that they tried to do better than their parents.
23. Try to be a better parent than your own parents.
24. Google is a Mommy-brained person's saviour.
25. It's true what they say...if you don't use your brain, you will lose it! lol
26. Honesty from people is getting rarer everyday, so when someone is finally honest with you...don't beat them up b/c it wasn't what you wanted to hear.
27. People that care for you will tell you the things you don't want to hear but need to hear.
28. Not every situation is black and white....sometimes grey is suitable...so don't judge.
29. Don't be bossy and pushy...turns out that grown-ups hate it just as much as kids do. lol

and one to grow on...
30. Stop being afraid to show people who you are...who gives a crap if they don't like what they see? At the end of the day, you are who you are...and WHO you are is special. Everyone deserves to be heard and seen.....so drum roll please..
This is me....and I will no longer be afraid of my friends and family knowing who I truly am. I'm out of the bloggy closet....(well, a little anyway) I'm still not sure I'll go posting my blog on my Facebook...but this is a start. If they find my blog...oh well. Oh, and my name is Kim by the way. :) Sooo hoping I won't regret this tomorrow. Gulp! LOL